I don’t know how well known this is, but one aspect of being bipolar is being crazed and hyped up and super psyched about a new project, only to lose interest soon after starting. And I don’t think it has anything to do with being manic or depressed. Maybe for some that’s exactly what it is, and maybe I’m kidding myself on my own causes and effects. Nonetheless, it’s something I struggle with. Book after book. Blog after blog. I’ll start something that I’m highly passionate about then lose interest. This blog, for example, has sat here on the internet, virtually untouched for over a year. I’ve also made several attempts at writing a novel. And I’m actually a pretty good fiction writer. I just can’t keep my head in it long enough to finish it. I also get myself caught up the idea of my work being criticized. So here I am. Back again, after stumbling across my own face while commenting on another blog.
Just to update: My husband and I are doing well. My son, who will be four in August, is also doing well. We’re working hard on potty training. There are good and bad days, as any other parent can tell you.
And if I may, I feel a little like pissing and moaning. Just because I doubt anyone actually reads this, and I can say whatever the fuck I want. So here goes.
My sister (two years younger than I) and I had a fight. If you can even call it that. More like a texting war. She’s not a mother, nor is she even ready to entertain the idea of motherhood. So when she decided to tell me that my kid isn’t well enough behaved to be in public and that I should work on that, I exploded on her. Something else she had said prior to that, but still part of the same conversation, was that if I wanted “me time” I should sell my used panties on Craigslist and use the money to hire a babysitter. All the other stay at home moms out there, you can see how I was reaching my boiling point. Mentally ill moms, all moms for that matter, need a break once in a while. My sister doesn’t believe this. “You wanted kids, you got ’em!”
I’m going to post screenshots of our “conversation”. It escalates quickly, and I lost my temper very swiftly. Bear in mind, my sister has been coddled her entire life. Everyone in the family is jumpy around her, afraid of what to say or how to act. She’s attempted suicide more times than I can count. This has been going on for YEARS! I’m fed up with the bullshit and I’ve started calling her out. I also refuse to tiptoe around her feelings. I love my sister, but if she commits suicide because of something I do or say, I’m not going to hold myself responsible for that. She has more mental health problems than I do, and she doesn’t keep up with her treatment plans. She was discharged (refusal to see an uncooperative patient) from her last doctor’s practice. No one ever knows if she’s taking her meds or what meds she’s supposed to be taking. No matter what they are, there isn’t a medication for mental health anything that can safely be mixed with alcohol. She drinks in excess. She got drunk Christmas morning and didn’t go to Christmas dinner at our Grandma’s house.
THEN! Because she hasn’t fucking grown up yet!…….I get a group message to my sister and me from our mom telling us to “knock it off.” There was more to my mom’s message, but that was the gist.
So take a look at the conversation and leave me your comments. I’m sure I overreacted. That won’t be news to me. But other moms out there, what’s your take? Am I justified in any of my anger? I see moms all the time talking about how their spouse, parents, inlaws, SOMEONE, kept their kid(s) for a weekend or three or four days while they had a getaway with friends. BAHAHAHA!!! What?! PLEASE! Someone do that for me! And if you think I’m a bad mom because I need to get away once in a while, you either don’t have kids or you have all the answers. If it’s the latter, please share!
Another little tidbit…My son is not a complete terror in public. Difficult? Yes. Stubborn? Yep. He’s never stolen. He’s never intentionally broken anyone else’s property. Once he did get into my sister’s paint and painted her mattress protector and a pillow. All of which I replaced. He’s my kid. If he is unable (because of age and/or lack of understanding) to make things right when he does something wrong, that falls to me. And I do take responsibility for him and his actions. The worst part of his behavior right now is angry screaming when he doesn’t get his way and throwing things for the same reason. All of which he is disciplined for. And sometimes ignoring his screaming works better than any discipline or punishment. I really am addressing his “behavior problems.” If you want to call a toddler being stubborn a “problem.”
Sometimes the roller coaster seems unending.